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HOW TO BUILD A "DRAMA-FREE"
BUSINESS
When people step onto on the Drama Triangle, their behaviours
are very predictable. At any given time, they play one of
three roles:
Victim Everything starts
with the Victim. Without this person, there is no drama. The
Victim always blames his results on someone or something else.
When people are getting great results, they don’t play
the Victim. This is the most powerful and disruptive of the
three roles on the Drama Triangle. If someone is in this role,
address it quickly before the disruptive energy spreads to
the rest of the team.
Persecutor The Persecutor
is the “mean” role. To persecute means to harass,
oppress, annoy or trouble someone else. The Persecutor picks
on or attacks the Victim.
Rescuer The Rescuer saves
the Victim from the Persecutor and is always looking for ways
to control the results others get by being their biggest “helper.”
Rescuers believe they know more than everyone else.
Two Ways To Get On The Drama Triangle
There are two ways we get on the Drama Triangle:
Externally With Others –
When we choose to play one or more of the roles on the Drama
Triangle with another person or group of people.
Internally With Ourselves –
When the “self-talk” in our heads has us playing
one or more of the roles in discussion with ourselves. One
of the most common internal dramas develops when we choose
to “beat ourselves up” over a mistake we have made.
Think back to the last time you this happened to you –
can you see how you were alternately playing the role of Persecutor
(“I can’t believe I did that! I’m an idiot!”)
and Victim (“There was nothing I could do about it ...
it wasn’t my fault!”).
Keys to Remember About the Drama
Triangle
- Any of the three points are simply roles. They are not
a description of who the person is, only a role they are
choosing to play in the moment.
- Choice is also important here. While we all play one or
more of those roles on a regular basis, we do have a choice.
We can step off the triangle any time we choose. Usually
the difficulty is in recognizing when we are playing one
of the roles, and that’s why it’s important to
have a strong set of agreements about how team members can
support each other to stay off.
- When someone is playing one of the roles, they are inherently
inviting others to play as well. There is a very important
distinction here – they are providing an invitation,
but they can't force you to play. You always have a choice
about how you will act.
- Usually the drama focuses on the “small picture”
and often revolves around petty differences and gossip.
The path off the triangle is to focus on a solution for
the situation – look for the bigger picture, the vision
or purpose of what you are doing and why.
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What you can
do right now...
- Introduce the Drama Triangle model to your
team members. Remember that this is not about
being “right” or “wrong”,
but rather about being aware of what types of
behaviours that are impeding individual and
group success.
- Discuss what each role means and how people
act out when they are playing each. List examples
of different behaviours that may show up in
your business.
- Get an agreement from the group to do their
very best to be aware of when they are being
“invited” on the triangle and do their
best to get off it as soon as they can.
- Have a plan in place for “calling”
team members on their behaviour if they seem
to be spending too much time on the triangle.
Do this in a compassionate, supportive manner
– without being a Persecutor or Rescuer!
- Celebrate! When you or a team member get off
the triangle or refuse the invitation to begin
with, celebrate!! It’s a big win!
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